I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
