I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
