I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
