We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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