Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
