You really coming over, don't trick.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
