Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
