everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
