Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Who died my cat blue again?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
