...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Enjoy the penises
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
