Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
