Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
