Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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