Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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