you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
