I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
