I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
