Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
