I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
