Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
