Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
