she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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