Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
i've created a new STD.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
