so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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