I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You are a genius and a whore.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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