he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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