So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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