your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
