you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
