next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
