No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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