why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
