Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
