glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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