His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
