And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
