What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
