Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
