I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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