Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
