everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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