Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
