K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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