did you get engaged???
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
