The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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