it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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