im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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