Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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