I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
