Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
