how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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