Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
