Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He shit in the fireplace
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
